Sexual Abuse/Assault

This is not a subject I ever imagined I would talk about, let alone share with the public.  I spent many years blocking this out of my memory, but in more recent years, these memories have resurfaced with all the cases that have been out in the open.  Of all the things I am willing to share, this is the one that I am most reluctant about.  I don't know how or when I will be able to fully discuss this openly, but it is something I am working on.  

I will admit that I was sexually abused while in the foster care system, prior to becoming a teenager.  I am not going to say the exact age this happened because it can easily be narrowed down if I reveal that information.  I am not ready to deal with this and I don't know that I ever will be.  I was in several places prior to becoming a teen and it could literally be anyone.  So I am leaving this open...for now.

Additionally, I was drugged and attacked when I was 19 years old.  I had been in a bar that I shouldn't have been in and spent several years blaming myself because of this.  This one still bothers me, but nowhere near as much as the childhood incident.  The only person I ever told about this was my roommate at the time because he got worried when I went missing for a few days.


The only reason I am sharing this is because I have experienced it and I know many women and children still face these things.  I know men do too, but it rarely, if ever, gets reported.   I never reported my attack in 2019.  I was embarrassed and still closeted at the time.  Plus I was in a place I shouldn't have been.  It was easier to just suffer through it and deal with it on my own. 


As for proof, I don't remember EVER telling anyone about the childhood incident.  If I had, I guarantee you it would have been ignored anyway.  Kids aren't believed and social services likes to spin things around to make you think something completely different happened instead of what actually happened.  Fortunately, I have documentation that I let something spill during one of my hospitalizations.  I remember everything and this was a very heavily guarded secret.   I have a hard time believing I shared it, but it is documented, so I must have.  I am still suspicious that something happened to me in the hospital and I have documentation of that too.  This could be why I spilled and don't remember.   

As for the childhood abuse, I actually do additional proof of sorts.  It isn't very clear proof, but it is proof enough.  

As for my attack at 19, the only proof I have of it happening is my roommate at that time.  It was never brought up again and it is a matter of if he even still remembers it.  


I only bring up the fact that I have evidence because I anticipate people not believing me.  These both happened so long ago and they aren't something I ever wanted to share or thought I would.